Sav's Sign New Sponsorship Deal

By Allotta Phajina

The Battered Sav's have signed a new deal with Lion Nathan Breweries to provide much needed funding and resources for pre and post match training sessions.
Arjuna "Fat Cat" Ranatunga, self appointed captain and selector announced this morning after marathon negotiations that the team would now be known as "The Tooheys New Battered Sav's". The sponsorship deal apparently includes free Tooheys New to all registered Savitorians, as well as team uniforms, coffee mugs, key rings, and a limited edition beer fridge. In a bit of a twist, Arjuna has also received a few added 'sweeteners' to the deal. "I have also accepted the wery kind offer of Lion Nathan to take over mortgage payments on my house, and am wery much looking forward to the corporate tent on the finishing line at Flemington tommorow. It is something I believe I deserve as Captain of the team." Asked whether he thought these priveledges would cause tension within the team, Arjuna responded "Those scumbags would always complaining about anything, good for nothing they are. They wanting Tooheys New or not? I wasn't even going to tell them about the house thing, but you bastards have brought it up now. They should be thanking me those piss-ants. Most of them are barely being sober at any point to realise what is going on anyway, such pissheads." When asked about the brand new BMW 7 series sitting in his driveway, Arjuna said "no comment".
A spokesperson for the players in the team said in a statement that they were very happy (hiccup) with the deal and were "aware of the sly, gutter tactic dealings" the captain had received. The captain has apparently been embezzling money from the team "for years".