Monday Oct 30 15:04 AEDT
AP - Bill Cosby, who has ignited controversy in the past with his sometimes scathing rebukes, criticised the Battered Savs cricket at a weekend education conference, saying they do not do enough to help kids.
Cosby spoke at a forum called "Cricket Is a Civil Right, unless you are Arjuna." Hundreds of Los Angeles-area parents, teachers and students attended the event at Maranatha Community Church.
Cosby, 69, was critical of the white Savs, saying they do not involve themselves enough in fostering children's education and don't know what the future cricketing stars are up to.
"We've got SAVS who won't check the bedrooms of aspiring SAVS children to see if there's a gun," he said.
He chided the SAVS captain for not offering clear explanations to children who ask why courses such as English and algebra are necessary.
"If you play indoor cricket and you can't answer this child about the improtance of cricket, then you're in trouble, and the SAVS are in trouble," Cosby said. "We can't answer these children, because the SAVS don't give them any goals."
In the past, Cosby has criticised Arjuna for not knowing how to read or write and said that he had squandered opportunities the civil rights movement had given him. He is said that the SAVS whites are unfairly blamed for problems in the black community such as teen pregnancy and high dropout rates.
©AAP 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Stone Cold crumbles with Dr Phil
Tucan has broken down and cried while appearing on the top rated American talk show Dr Phil over the weekend.
The episode which goes to air this week and will be viewed by thousands of single mothers will show a softer side to the man they call "The Enforcer" and "Stone Cold" due to his love of American Wrestling star Stone Cold Steve Austin. In the interview Tucan, a front line bowler and batsman for the Savs talks about his obsession with vanity mirrors, an obsession he has turned into a lucrative career as well as his addiction to alcohol which recently came to the fore front of public opinion when he arrived to a game drunk and wearing no pants.
During the interview Tucans admits to the shame he felt over the episode and the embarrassment he caused his family, the interview ending when he broke down and cried on Dr Phil's lap. The shows producers were forced to go to an unscheduled ad break.
Support for the embattled star was fierce from his team mates as evidenced by Reebs actually taking off his trademark black leather back-zipper shorts and giving them to the star when he arrived sans pants to the game.
It is expected the show of emotion will also go down well with the single mother demographic.
Fingers O'Rafferty
Five Dock Herald
The episode which goes to air this week and will be viewed by thousands of single mothers will show a softer side to the man they call "The Enforcer" and "Stone Cold" due to his love of American Wrestling star Stone Cold Steve Austin. In the interview Tucan, a front line bowler and batsman for the Savs talks about his obsession with vanity mirrors, an obsession he has turned into a lucrative career as well as his addiction to alcohol which recently came to the fore front of public opinion when he arrived to a game drunk and wearing no pants.
During the interview Tucans admits to the shame he felt over the episode and the embarrassment he caused his family, the interview ending when he broke down and cried on Dr Phil's lap. The shows producers were forced to go to an unscheduled ad break.
Support for the embattled star was fierce from his team mates as evidenced by Reebs actually taking off his trademark black leather back-zipper shorts and giving them to the star when he arrived sans pants to the game.
It is expected the show of emotion will also go down well with the single mother demographic.
Fingers O'Rafferty
Five Dock Herald
Sneaky and Hollywood restore order
SMH 30th October 2006
Fresh from there whirl wind autograph tour of South East Asia, Sneaky and Hollywood have returned in time to restore order to the world famous Savs. In the worst off season in the Savs illastrious history, the two icons of the club led from the front in helping the team win there opening game of the competitive season, which sees the Savs at the top of the FDICC table after one round.
In the lead up to the game, incumbent captain Slick was under immense pressure from the media and ex captain Arjuna who went out of his way to defame Slicks character, selection processes and family. Arjuna has even threatened to start a rebel league which has been meet with many a raised eye brow.
Sneaky and Hollywood who were blissfully unaware of the turmiol that had engulfed the Savs arrived at Sydney international Airport to a barrage of photos and questions from the media scrum that were on hand to question them. Slick said " I knew once these two boys returned from there overseas playing stint they would bring there winning culture to the savs. I was rewarded for hanging my testicles out on the line and at the end of the day there, i still have them both in tact albeit a few little warts picked up from schoolies a few years back."
In a FDICC first, the Savs were used as guines pigs in the contreversial new decision to have a square leg umpire, as well as the main chair umpire, with often painful breaks between overs for Auditing of scores. The Savs at time felt that this new trial slowed down the pace of the game and allowed for to much time for players to get there breath back. It is also believed that many of the Indian and Sri Lankian teams at the FDICC are very angry at this new decision as it makes it far too hard for the main chair umpire to be paid off.
Hollywood and Sneaky will reignite the FDICC tomorrow night on there return to Sydney. Two games in 5 days for the Savs but its all part of being in a proffessional indoor cricket team.
Hollywood has also announced that this is his final swansong this season as he is retiring and moving to the Gold Coast with his family. It is believed that he is to take up a position with the elite indoor cricket academy for those with dissabilites in the new year.
Fresh from there whirl wind autograph tour of South East Asia, Sneaky and Hollywood have returned in time to restore order to the world famous Savs. In the worst off season in the Savs illastrious history, the two icons of the club led from the front in helping the team win there opening game of the competitive season, which sees the Savs at the top of the FDICC table after one round.
In the lead up to the game, incumbent captain Slick was under immense pressure from the media and ex captain Arjuna who went out of his way to defame Slicks character, selection processes and family. Arjuna has even threatened to start a rebel league which has been meet with many a raised eye brow.
Sneaky and Hollywood who were blissfully unaware of the turmiol that had engulfed the Savs arrived at Sydney international Airport to a barrage of photos and questions from the media scrum that were on hand to question them. Slick said " I knew once these two boys returned from there overseas playing stint they would bring there winning culture to the savs. I was rewarded for hanging my testicles out on the line and at the end of the day there, i still have them both in tact albeit a few little warts picked up from schoolies a few years back."
In a FDICC first, the Savs were used as guines pigs in the contreversial new decision to have a square leg umpire, as well as the main chair umpire, with often painful breaks between overs for Auditing of scores. The Savs at time felt that this new trial slowed down the pace of the game and allowed for to much time for players to get there breath back. It is also believed that many of the Indian and Sri Lankian teams at the FDICC are very angry at this new decision as it makes it far too hard for the main chair umpire to be paid off.
Hollywood and Sneaky will reignite the FDICC tomorrow night on there return to Sydney. Two games in 5 days for the Savs but its all part of being in a proffessional indoor cricket team.
Hollywood has also announced that this is his final swansong this season as he is retiring and moving to the Gold Coast with his family. It is believed that he is to take up a position with the elite indoor cricket academy for those with dissabilites in the new year.
Reebs to quit?
Reebs the energizer bunny of the Savs has failed to deny rumours of his possible retirement.
When reporters broached the subject at last nights Aria awards where Reebs was being awarded for best video for his rendition of "Hollywood", Reebs said "Im not saying anything about my cricketing career at this stage, Im here to receive my award and enjoy the night. I will say there comes a time when you fall in love and your whole world turns upside down".
The 30yo all rounder is currently enjoying his best year with the Savs, impressing with both the bat and ball although team mates are still concerned that his heart just isnt in it anymore. "He turns up in these shorts, there a bit hard to describe", Sleepy said. "It was my first game back, I was late, everyone thought I had been asleep, but I had looked at Reeb's shorts and couldnt focus on anything for the rest of the game".
Reuters
When reporters broached the subject at last nights Aria awards where Reebs was being awarded for best video for his rendition of "Hollywood", Reebs said "Im not saying anything about my cricketing career at this stage, Im here to receive my award and enjoy the night. I will say there comes a time when you fall in love and your whole world turns upside down".
The 30yo all rounder is currently enjoying his best year with the Savs, impressing with both the bat and ball although team mates are still concerned that his heart just isnt in it anymore. "He turns up in these shorts, there a bit hard to describe", Sleepy said. "It was my first game back, I was late, everyone thought I had been asleep, but I had looked at Reeb's shorts and couldnt focus on anything for the rest of the game".
Reuters
Arjuna realises Al Qaeda his best chance of Savs recall
After learning of an Al Qaeda plot to kill the Battered Savs cricket team during last year's Ashes series, many former and fringe Test players have come forward to offer their willingness to step in if something untoward were to happen. Former Savs captain Arjuna said he would have been willing to play if the selectors' first-choice team had been murdered. "If the Savs dont field a team, then the terrorists win," he said.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Tucan tells of Five Dock bender
Cricinfo staff
October 28, 2006
Tucan argued with senior team staff to let him play in the evening he turned up drunk before the Sav’s Quarter final in 2005 loss to the Charlie’s. And he has also spoken about how close he came to a fight with a South African rugby player less than a year later that could have cost him his international career.
In his upcoming book 2 Can : Going for Broke, Tucan recalls the sketchy details of his pub crawl through Five Dock that led to a two-game suspension, which included Sav’defeat to the Charlies. "Ah, it's only The Charlie’s," he wrote, "a little bit of fizz won't be a worry."
Tucan returned to the hotel after sunrise, settling down to breakfast as some of his team-mates were coming down to eat, and after going to his room was woken up only when Reebs put him in the shower.
Having made it to the ground on the team bus, Tucan raised the suspicions of Arjuna and Long John Bishop after he had slipped off a wheelie bin while doing his stretches.
"You're drunk. You're not playing today," Long John said after Arjuna had made the first enquiry. "No, I'm right to go," Tucan replied. "I'm playing." Long John told Tucan to "sort yourself out" and excuses such as an injury or flu were being considered to explain his absence. "As it started to sink in that I was gone I fired up," he said. "If you're going to drop me, then you better tell them why or I will."
The story emerged during the game and Tucan faced an internal disciplinary committee after the match. "The team meeting went for ages and, as a group, the disappointment they felt in my actions meant this wasn't going to blow over with a slap on the wrist and a "naughty boy Tucan" speech," he said. "They might have been my mates, but they were united in their fury of my actions.
"Looking back, my embarrassment and regret are stronger than ever. I said afterwards that I felt as if my guts had been ripped out because I'd let down some of my closest mates, my family and, let's face it, the whole country. That hasn't changed." Tucan ruled himself out of contention for the Kenny Whiskidrinker Medal as a result of the incident.
Tucan’s' behaviour was being questioned again in South Africa in March when there were rumours he was involved in a heated argument with Graeme Smith in a Cape Town nightclub. However, Tucan said it was not Smith but a Cheetahs Super 14 rugby player who he asked to "take it outside".
"I was on my way out of the VIP area when Kel zoomed in to steer me away and calm things down," he said. "Big Ollie [the prop Ollie le Roux] did his bit to keep everyone happy too." Tucan left the club once the "red mist had faded". "I owe Kel big time. Looking back, I realise now I was headed for the sort of strife that could have brought a swift end to my tour and possibly my international career. It was a sobering reminder that old-school ways where two men sort out their difference one-on-one are long gone
October 28, 2006
Tucan argued with senior team staff to let him play in the evening he turned up drunk before the Sav’s Quarter final in 2005 loss to the Charlie’s. And he has also spoken about how close he came to a fight with a South African rugby player less than a year later that could have cost him his international career.
In his upcoming book 2 Can : Going for Broke, Tucan recalls the sketchy details of his pub crawl through Five Dock that led to a two-game suspension, which included Sav’defeat to the Charlies. "Ah, it's only The Charlie’s," he wrote, "a little bit of fizz won't be a worry."
Tucan returned to the hotel after sunrise, settling down to breakfast as some of his team-mates were coming down to eat, and after going to his room was woken up only when Reebs put him in the shower.
Having made it to the ground on the team bus, Tucan raised the suspicions of Arjuna and Long John Bishop after he had slipped off a wheelie bin while doing his stretches.
"You're drunk. You're not playing today," Long John said after Arjuna had made the first enquiry. "No, I'm right to go," Tucan replied. "I'm playing." Long John told Tucan to "sort yourself out" and excuses such as an injury or flu were being considered to explain his absence. "As it started to sink in that I was gone I fired up," he said. "If you're going to drop me, then you better tell them why or I will."
The story emerged during the game and Tucan faced an internal disciplinary committee after the match. "The team meeting went for ages and, as a group, the disappointment they felt in my actions meant this wasn't going to blow over with a slap on the wrist and a "naughty boy Tucan" speech," he said. "They might have been my mates, but they were united in their fury of my actions.
"Looking back, my embarrassment and regret are stronger than ever. I said afterwards that I felt as if my guts had been ripped out because I'd let down some of my closest mates, my family and, let's face it, the whole country. That hasn't changed." Tucan ruled himself out of contention for the Kenny Whiskidrinker Medal as a result of the incident.
Tucan’s' behaviour was being questioned again in South Africa in March when there were rumours he was involved in a heated argument with Graeme Smith in a Cape Town nightclub. However, Tucan said it was not Smith but a Cheetahs Super 14 rugby player who he asked to "take it outside".
"I was on my way out of the VIP area when Kel zoomed in to steer me away and calm things down," he said. "Big Ollie [the prop Ollie le Roux] did his bit to keep everyone happy too." Tucan left the club once the "red mist had faded". "I owe Kel big time. Looking back, I realise now I was headed for the sort of strife that could have brought a swift end to my tour and possibly my international career. It was a sobering reminder that old-school ways where two men sort out their difference one-on-one are long gone
Friday, October 27, 2006
The Sav's Turn it Around
Last night saw the Sav's register there first win of the season and take them into the top 2 spots of the competitive season.
The night started off on shaky ground, with Sneaky not waking up from his beauty sleep until 8pm and the team looking at playing a man down again. Fortunately enough embattled Captain Slick won the toss again and elected the Sav's to have a bat whilst Sneaky rushed over from his love pad in Burwood.
Slick took a punt and sent Kel and Reebs out to get the Sav's off to a good start. Unfortunately it wasn't the boys night as they made the scoreboard go up and down like a yo-yo. The boys put their low total down to the lake of pace on the bowl and finding it hard to work into the net. Kel and Reebs finished the skin with 14 runs on the board and Sav's were left a little nervous.
The second pair saw the mighty pairing of Ocki and Tucan stroll to the crease. The was a sense of excitement in the crowd as they moved onto the hollowed turf of the FDICC needing to get the Sav's out of trouble. Knowing he need to perform for the Sav's, Ocki took to the bowlers like a Lion to a lamb. He was relentless and cunning. He smashed a number of sixes and worked the ball everywhere. Tucan played a strong supporting role and coming up with the big plays when needed. At one point the pairing was looking at cracking the 70 mark, but unfortunately a wicket in the last saw them finish on 60 runs and Ocki smashing a massive 44 runs.
After a week of controversy and conducting media interviews after his team selection for this weeks game, Slick walked out to the crease with new recruit Macca wanting to build on the solid start. The boys played a very solid skin with no outs till the last over and the boys working the nets very well. Macca yet again put on a great performance with 28 runs in the bag and the boys finishing with 40 on the board.
With the Sav's now sitting on 100+ and a skin to go, out came the flamboyant pair of Hollywood and Sneaky. After removing his hand from his butt, Sneaky was hitting the ball like Mark Waugh with some graceful drives into the net. Hollywood was playing like normal by smashing some sixes into the crowd and also getting out a couple of times in poor fashion.
The mighty Sav's finished with 137 on the board and it's highest total of the year.
The job wasn't over and the Sav's weren't home yet. They needed to put in a strong performance in the field to secure the win.
Unfortunately the Sav's didn't get off to a great start, whilst there was some talk in the field, the boys were unable to get that one wicket to really lift the team. There were some close calls and half chances but the first pair ended up with 40 runs on the board and the Sav's needing to dig deep.
The second skin saw the Sav's improve a little with a wicket or two and restricting the pairing to 22 runs.
With the Sav's just in the lead at the half way mark the Captain rallied his troops and asked for more commitment and tighter bowling. The Sav's bowling power of Reebs, Macca, Sneaky and Kel then turned on a show. Wickets were falling from the heavens and the batters thoughts it was Christmas as the board continued to flash all night long!!!
The Sav's finished the game off well and completed a strong turn around from the last couple of performances with a solid 38 run win.
"Look, it's a great feeling to have the first win under the belt. They team battered well and the bowling was tight in a number of skins" Slick stated to the mass media out the front of the FDICC.
" To all the critics out there, look at the score board and the ladder, we're up the top now, so they can't complain about that!" He said after there were questions about the selection of the team.
There is still improvement left in the team and the Sav's look to make it back to back wins on Tuesday night and take top spot on the ladder.
Next weeks game will be a true test for the Sav's in how the play and make a name for themselves in the comp.
The night started off on shaky ground, with Sneaky not waking up from his beauty sleep until 8pm and the team looking at playing a man down again. Fortunately enough embattled Captain Slick won the toss again and elected the Sav's to have a bat whilst Sneaky rushed over from his love pad in Burwood.
Slick took a punt and sent Kel and Reebs out to get the Sav's off to a good start. Unfortunately it wasn't the boys night as they made the scoreboard go up and down like a yo-yo. The boys put their low total down to the lake of pace on the bowl and finding it hard to work into the net. Kel and Reebs finished the skin with 14 runs on the board and Sav's were left a little nervous.
The second pair saw the mighty pairing of Ocki and Tucan stroll to the crease. The was a sense of excitement in the crowd as they moved onto the hollowed turf of the FDICC needing to get the Sav's out of trouble. Knowing he need to perform for the Sav's, Ocki took to the bowlers like a Lion to a lamb. He was relentless and cunning. He smashed a number of sixes and worked the ball everywhere. Tucan played a strong supporting role and coming up with the big plays when needed. At one point the pairing was looking at cracking the 70 mark, but unfortunately a wicket in the last saw them finish on 60 runs and Ocki smashing a massive 44 runs.
After a week of controversy and conducting media interviews after his team selection for this weeks game, Slick walked out to the crease with new recruit Macca wanting to build on the solid start. The boys played a very solid skin with no outs till the last over and the boys working the nets very well. Macca yet again put on a great performance with 28 runs in the bag and the boys finishing with 40 on the board.
With the Sav's now sitting on 100+ and a skin to go, out came the flamboyant pair of Hollywood and Sneaky. After removing his hand from his butt, Sneaky was hitting the ball like Mark Waugh with some graceful drives into the net. Hollywood was playing like normal by smashing some sixes into the crowd and also getting out a couple of times in poor fashion.
The mighty Sav's finished with 137 on the board and it's highest total of the year.
The job wasn't over and the Sav's weren't home yet. They needed to put in a strong performance in the field to secure the win.
Unfortunately the Sav's didn't get off to a great start, whilst there was some talk in the field, the boys were unable to get that one wicket to really lift the team. There were some close calls and half chances but the first pair ended up with 40 runs on the board and the Sav's needing to dig deep.
The second skin saw the Sav's improve a little with a wicket or two and restricting the pairing to 22 runs.
With the Sav's just in the lead at the half way mark the Captain rallied his troops and asked for more commitment and tighter bowling. The Sav's bowling power of Reebs, Macca, Sneaky and Kel then turned on a show. Wickets were falling from the heavens and the batters thoughts it was Christmas as the board continued to flash all night long!!!
The Sav's finished the game off well and completed a strong turn around from the last couple of performances with a solid 38 run win.
"Look, it's a great feeling to have the first win under the belt. They team battered well and the bowling was tight in a number of skins" Slick stated to the mass media out the front of the FDICC.
" To all the critics out there, look at the score board and the ladder, we're up the top now, so they can't complain about that!" He said after there were questions about the selection of the team.
There is still improvement left in the team and the Sav's look to make it back to back wins on Tuesday night and take top spot on the ladder.
Next weeks game will be a true test for the Sav's in how the play and make a name for themselves in the comp.
Is this the team to take the title?
If you were standing outside last night at about 8.30pm you would have felt a gust of wind like a warm breath on your groin. That was the collective sigh of cricketers around the world as playboy bunnies the Savs recorded their first win of the summer.
"You could see their confidence coming like a fat lady walking up a hill, slowly but surely", Local crack addict and FDICC umpire Billy "The Rapist" Hoile said. "Ive been saving some choice product for just such an occasion and the girls at the FDC better watch out, looks like I picked the wrong week to give up amphetamines".
The Savs did get off to a shaky start with an experiment of elevating two middle order batsmen to openers failed against the front line bowlers, but this was soon turned around when local mirror maker Tucan teamed once again with Ocky to re-form one of the best batting partnerships the FDICC has witnessed over the last 10 years.
From there the Savs ground away at their opposition until they capitulated and the Savs cruised to what was a tough game made to look easy.
The season debuts of Hollywood, Sneaky & Ocky seemed to be the zing missing from the sauce for the Savs this year and the night was highlighted by much bottom pinching and mincing, evidence of the confidence in the Savs camp.
Whether it is to late in the season to turn things around remains to be seen but it was a timely warning for the opposition teams, the Savs are not a spent force.
Full match report to follow.
In related news the team crushed by the Savs must think they broke a mirror as they inadvertently wandered into the FDC, Savs territory. After the necessary pleasantries the whole team was soundly crushed for the second time that night as they were drunk under the table by a mere 4 of the Savs players.
Full match report to follow.
"You could see their confidence coming like a fat lady walking up a hill, slowly but surely", Local crack addict and FDICC umpire Billy "The Rapist" Hoile said. "Ive been saving some choice product for just such an occasion and the girls at the FDC better watch out, looks like I picked the wrong week to give up amphetamines".
The Savs did get off to a shaky start with an experiment of elevating two middle order batsmen to openers failed against the front line bowlers, but this was soon turned around when local mirror maker Tucan teamed once again with Ocky to re-form one of the best batting partnerships the FDICC has witnessed over the last 10 years.
From there the Savs ground away at their opposition until they capitulated and the Savs cruised to what was a tough game made to look easy.
The season debuts of Hollywood, Sneaky & Ocky seemed to be the zing missing from the sauce for the Savs this year and the night was highlighted by much bottom pinching and mincing, evidence of the confidence in the Savs camp.
Whether it is to late in the season to turn things around remains to be seen but it was a timely warning for the opposition teams, the Savs are not a spent force.
Full match report to follow.
In related news the team crushed by the Savs must think they broke a mirror as they inadvertently wandered into the FDC, Savs territory. After the necessary pleasantries the whole team was soundly crushed for the second time that night as they were drunk under the table by a mere 4 of the Savs players.
Full match report to follow.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Captain Slick has dropped former captain Arjuna for the game against D Grade.
Arjuna, 34, was axed from the one-day team in October after a row with coach/captain and self appointed chairman of selectors Slick.
Chairman of selectors Slick said the omission did not signal the end of Arjuna's career.
Slick said: "It's too early to say but the doors are definitely not closed on him."
Sneaky has been recalled, while fellow batsman Hollywood is back after a broken Nail accident.
Slick said the selectors had decided to leave out Arjuna - the Sav’s most successful captain – because he was unlikely to make the starting VIII.
"We have been wanting to give other middle-order batsmen like Hollywood and Alex more chances and Arjuna can't be in the reserves," he explained.
"Our middle order is very strong. We have some concerns only with the opening slot."
Left-hander Arjuna has scored 5,150 runs at an average of 40.87 and led the Sav’s to numerous victories in five years as captain, however the crown of the championship always eluded him
Chairman of selectors Slick said the omission did not signal the end of Arjuna's career.
Slick said: "It's too early to say but the doors are definitely not closed on him."
Sneaky has been recalled, while fellow batsman Hollywood is back after a broken Nail accident.
Slick said the selectors had decided to leave out Arjuna - the Sav’s most successful captain – because he was unlikely to make the starting VIII.
"We have been wanting to give other middle-order batsmen like Hollywood and Alex more chances and Arjuna can't be in the reserves," he explained.
"Our middle order is very strong. We have some concerns only with the opening slot."
Left-hander Arjuna has scored 5,150 runs at an average of 40.87 and led the Sav’s to numerous victories in five years as captain, however the crown of the championship always eluded him
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Arjuna's retirement 'shook' Hollywood
Wednesday Oct 25 12:18 AEST
Despite being shaken by the retirement of Arjuna Hollywood and American actor Johnny Knoxville say they will continue there daredevil pranks. Knoxville is in Australia to promote the release of Jackass Number Two, featuring Hollywood and his mates taking on challenges including wrestling anaconda snakes and swimming with sharks. In one scene Hollywood is blindfolded and rammed by a horned yak, a skit inspired by a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
"When Arjuna passed into retirement, that really shook us," Knoxville told AAP of Arjuna, who retired from international cricket after being stabbed in the back by a selection barb from Slick or as Arjuna calls him the stingray. "IT really did saddened us, but it didn't make us stop and rethink what we do because we know what we do and we know how it can end."
That said, Knoxville along with new dad Haollywood admit that what they do is dangerous. "I put myself in situations and you gotta think that's got to catch up after a while," said Hollywood star of well known films as The Pearl Necklace, The message man and The Crying Game. Not surprisingly, Knoxville injured himself several times during production on the Jackass sequel. He tore a shoulder ligament and says he nearly died in an explosion when Hollywood fired off his giant rocket into a lake. "This movie I almost just bypassed the emergency room and went to the morgue a couple of times," he said semi-seriously, Hollywood laughed as well and stated, "Look it all worked out ... other than those things, He made out pretty well."In fact Hollywood himself along with Knoxville sustained heavy bruising when shot by a riot control machine with thousands of hard rubber balls hitting them at close range. In another scene, Hollywood falls off a bike and lands on his face." People like train wrecks," said Hollywood.
"You don't want them to injure themselves, but you don't mind them being a little hurt."
Knoxville has a 10-year-old daughter, Madison, who he has nicknamed "Chickenbutt".
But being a father isn't enough to halt his big screen antics.
"What about firemen and policemen?" said Hollywood, "I always wanted to be one !""They have families, but that is what they do and that is unfortunately what we do. It is all I can do except I wish I could do what Arjuna's monkey's can do" While some may find the Jackass pranks off-putting, both the original and the sequel have been massive hits in the United States.
Jackass Number Two opens in Australia on November 9.
©AAP 2006
Despite being shaken by the retirement of Arjuna Hollywood and American actor Johnny Knoxville say they will continue there daredevil pranks. Knoxville is in Australia to promote the release of Jackass Number Two, featuring Hollywood and his mates taking on challenges including wrestling anaconda snakes and swimming with sharks. In one scene Hollywood is blindfolded and rammed by a horned yak, a skit inspired by a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
"When Arjuna passed into retirement, that really shook us," Knoxville told AAP of Arjuna, who retired from international cricket after being stabbed in the back by a selection barb from Slick or as Arjuna calls him the stingray. "IT really did saddened us, but it didn't make us stop and rethink what we do because we know what we do and we know how it can end."
That said, Knoxville along with new dad Haollywood admit that what they do is dangerous. "I put myself in situations and you gotta think that's got to catch up after a while," said Hollywood star of well known films as The Pearl Necklace, The message man and The Crying Game. Not surprisingly, Knoxville injured himself several times during production on the Jackass sequel. He tore a shoulder ligament and says he nearly died in an explosion when Hollywood fired off his giant rocket into a lake. "This movie I almost just bypassed the emergency room and went to the morgue a couple of times," he said semi-seriously, Hollywood laughed as well and stated, "Look it all worked out ... other than those things, He made out pretty well."In fact Hollywood himself along with Knoxville sustained heavy bruising when shot by a riot control machine with thousands of hard rubber balls hitting them at close range. In another scene, Hollywood falls off a bike and lands on his face." People like train wrecks," said Hollywood.
"You don't want them to injure themselves, but you don't mind them being a little hurt."
Knoxville has a 10-year-old daughter, Madison, who he has nicknamed "Chickenbutt".
But being a father isn't enough to halt his big screen antics.
"What about firemen and policemen?" said Hollywood, "I always wanted to be one !""They have families, but that is what they do and that is unfortunately what we do. It is all I can do except I wish I could do what Arjuna's monkey's can do" While some may find the Jackass pranks off-putting, both the original and the sequel have been massive hits in the United States.
Jackass Number Two opens in Australia on November 9.
©AAP 2006
Reactions to Arjuna’s demise
Below is the reaction to Arjuna’s retirement as they filtering in from around the world
Slick: “F@#$ Him”
Dabs: “Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha”
Harirbear “What come around goes around, it’s ironic I was dropped for people like Slick, now Slick has dropped Arjuna, now that is what I call karma”
Ockie “Was he still in the team?”
Apoo “Golly Gosh”
Reebs “So, should we go to the pub?”
George W Bush “The Battered Savs can now live in peace as the tyranny of Arjuna’s rule has come to an end”
John Howard “I agree with my President”
Slick: “F@#$ Him”
Dabs: “Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha”
Harirbear “What come around goes around, it’s ironic I was dropped for people like Slick, now Slick has dropped Arjuna, now that is what I call karma”
Ockie “Was he still in the team?”
Apoo “Golly Gosh”
Reebs “So, should we go to the pub?”
George W Bush “The Battered Savs can now live in peace as the tyranny of Arjuna’s rule has come to an end”
John Howard “I agree with my President”
Arjuna Retires from the Savs
By: Peter Roebuck
Former captain and most improved player for the Battered Sav’s in the 06/07 season has decided to retire from the game following his controversial omission from Thursdays game. His retirement will be effective immediately. Arjuna intends on leaving the game after an illustrious career of 8 years to raise sheep and try his luck in politics.
“The current captain, Slick, has lost his mind in his team selection for this game. In correspondence dated the 24th of October 2006 he stated that team selection was based on the statistical information available.” Arjuna continued the diatribe with “if this was his method of team selection then I should have been included. It is more to do with current captains whites only policy and nothing else!”
Considering the inclusion of Sneaky and Hollywood after prolonged absences Arjuna has questioned Slicks Choices. It appears that Sneaky is just repaying his gratitude to Hollywood for introducing him to the Savs.
Arjuna liked to reminded Slick that ring-ins were brought in on a contractual game by game basis and the likes of the ring-ins for the 06/07 season were only to meet shortages of player for the later games. Giving them permanence has meant penalising long standing players like himself, Dabber and Tempter.
According to sources close to Arjuna, the sentiment is that Slicks “constant beating the drum” to get the team motivated has been nothing but blowing smoke up his own cricket whites, his motivational talks have been nothing but a failure. “Kenny Whiskey Drinker would have done a better job half drunk” Arjuna said.
Arjuna’s parting words to Slick were that he should not forget the whole basis of the battered Sav’s is to catch up with mates, to have a hit a laugh, a win was a bonus not the other way round.!
IN BREAKING NEWS.......
"Arjuna has just signed himself into a celebrity re-hab clinic to assist overcoming the grief of his unexpected removal from his beloved Battered Savs. (His 60 pipes a day of crystal meth is NOT the reason). He plans on teaching his room mate in the clinic, an unknown by the name of Urban the pleasure of eating sheep whole. As he was wheeled away by the men in white Arjuna could be heard screaming "I still love 'em, I still love 'em". His agent later confirmed that Arjuna wished the Battered Savs well for the coming season (and who believes in voodoo anyway?) with or without the motivational speeches by Slick.
Former captain and most improved player for the Battered Sav’s in the 06/07 season has decided to retire from the game following his controversial omission from Thursdays game. His retirement will be effective immediately. Arjuna intends on leaving the game after an illustrious career of 8 years to raise sheep and try his luck in politics.
“The current captain, Slick, has lost his mind in his team selection for this game. In correspondence dated the 24th of October 2006 he stated that team selection was based on the statistical information available.” Arjuna continued the diatribe with “if this was his method of team selection then I should have been included. It is more to do with current captains whites only policy and nothing else!”
Considering the inclusion of Sneaky and Hollywood after prolonged absences Arjuna has questioned Slicks Choices. It appears that Sneaky is just repaying his gratitude to Hollywood for introducing him to the Savs.
Arjuna liked to reminded Slick that ring-ins were brought in on a contractual game by game basis and the likes of the ring-ins for the 06/07 season were only to meet shortages of player for the later games. Giving them permanence has meant penalising long standing players like himself, Dabber and Tempter.
According to sources close to Arjuna, the sentiment is that Slicks “constant beating the drum” to get the team motivated has been nothing but blowing smoke up his own cricket whites, his motivational talks have been nothing but a failure. “Kenny Whiskey Drinker would have done a better job half drunk” Arjuna said.
Arjuna’s parting words to Slick were that he should not forget the whole basis of the battered Sav’s is to catch up with mates, to have a hit a laugh, a win was a bonus not the other way round.!
IN BREAKING NEWS.......
"Arjuna has just signed himself into a celebrity re-hab clinic to assist overcoming the grief of his unexpected removal from his beloved Battered Savs. (His 60 pipes a day of crystal meth is NOT the reason). He plans on teaching his room mate in the clinic, an unknown by the name of Urban the pleasure of eating sheep whole. As he was wheeled away by the men in white Arjuna could be heard screaming "I still love 'em, I still love 'em". His agent later confirmed that Arjuna wished the Battered Savs well for the coming season (and who believes in voodoo anyway?) with or without the motivational speeches by Slick.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Arjuna finds his calling
NINEMSN Tuesday 24th October - Dumped cricket captain and former player with the Battered Savs cricket team, Arjuna the 'kingmaker' has found solace in his new profession. Arjuna has shown the world his little pet and insiders have dubbed the little creature a true master.He is teaching monkeys to do what he has always wished secretly that he could do. When asked for a quote, team IDOL Hollywood said, "WOW imagine teaching a monkey to do that". Word has it that Arjuna secretly plans to teach his former team mates a thing or two.
"Ahh, if only I could" - Arjuna
Arjuna sacked - Fitness concerns
PPS 23:17 - Breaking news has revealed large cracks starting to appear in the Sav's family. The largest of all seems to be a developing rift between the newly appointed Captain Slick, and the one time 'crackster' himself Arjuna. Sav insiders have revealed that Arjuna has been sacked due to concerns over his fitness, most recently he was seen in a club cricket match with a few extra pounds - what a picture he is! Slick has refused to comment although it is pretty clear that he is unhappy that Arjuna has been out eating whole sheep instead of following the rest of the team on the Hollywood Beach diet. Leading commentator and one time mentor of Arjuna, Ionceadalargecrac, voiced his dissapointment that selection has come down to a weight issue and has vowed to get out the whip to once again get Arjuna into to top shape.
Desperate time for the Savs?
With things getting so desperate at the savs that even Hollywood had to be recalled it is believed that Slick is in discussions with the Vatican to offer a short 4 week "Prestige player" contract similar to the A League to the Pope himself. It is believed that the pope has a mean 'cover drive' and also has mastered the art of the doosra.
The Vatcian believes that this push would also help with a more 'youthful appeal' with the impending youth day to be held at Randwick racecourse in 2007. It is also believed that the vatican has approached trainer Gai Waterhouse to prepare a few 'fillies' for the day
Tough new training announced
Battered Savs embattled Captain SLick, has announced tough new measures for anyone that does not play well this week at the FDICC. These measures (see photo) will be carried out promtly after the match in the adjoining FDICC car park.
Only 2 more sleeps....
Only two more sleeps.... then
Hollywood returns to the hallowed ground of the FDICC. After months of recovering from a splintered finger nail, hollywood is set to return the FDICC a buzz with his much anticipated return. The leading run scorer in 2005-6, hollywood has earnt a reputation amongst oppositions as being a tough bloke to knock over. There are concerns that the extent of his layoff may harm his from that he finsihed in at the end of last season. Savs statistian, Reebs was excited at the prospect of actually being able to incorporate positive scores into his elaborate powerpoint presentaions qith the return of Hollywood.
In other news... The back page of the daily telegraph has begun to speculate over the two men with teams in Sydney that are on losing streaks. Terry Butcher from Sydney FC and Slick new Captain/Manager of the Savs are both under the microscope with another loss potentilly ending both there jobs.
Hollywood returns to the hallowed ground of the FDICC. After months of recovering from a splintered finger nail, hollywood is set to return the FDICC a buzz with his much anticipated return. The leading run scorer in 2005-6, hollywood has earnt a reputation amongst oppositions as being a tough bloke to knock over. There are concerns that the extent of his layoff may harm his from that he finsihed in at the end of last season. Savs statistian, Reebs was excited at the prospect of actually being able to incorporate positive scores into his elaborate powerpoint presentaions qith the return of Hollywood.
In other news... The back page of the daily telegraph has begun to speculate over the two men with teams in Sydney that are on losing streaks. Terry Butcher from Sydney FC and Slick new Captain/Manager of the Savs are both under the microscope with another loss potentilly ending both there jobs.
Arjuna and Apoo fly in big gun for inspiration
After 5 loses on the trot, the battered savs have flown in George W. Bush to give them a pep talk before the season opener on thursday night. American presidents, not typically familiar with the game of cricket, have never had to be called upon for such duties. In a statement released by Bush "I love the game. How hard can it be to hit a ball with a bat? I love batting"Bush also agreed to the PR gig to help his popularity with the cricket mad sub continent. It is believed that almost 1.5 billion Indian, Sri Lankian and Pakistani cricket supporters tune into foxtel each week to view the big games at the FDICC. Ex Captain Arjuna sees this move as chance for the savs to be inspired by a truly great man while also hosing down tensions in the region.
In the photo Bush is seen to be showing the young savs a few tips on effective ball tampering and also showing them how not to 'chuck' a cricket ball. Bush so abely demonstrated with the correct 'bent arm' style. It is also believed that Bush has challenged Bin Laden to a game of twenty twenty cricket for the disputed state of Kashmir and an end to the tensions across the world.
Arjuna and Apoo have thanked the president for all of his input and also disussed the possibility of 'throwing the game' for some financial gain and a couple of 7 eleven franchises.
The Sav's Idol
In breaking news, Sav's pin up boy Hollywood has offically declared he will be running in the next Australian Idol contest.
" I feel I have the talent to go all the way in the contest and believe the Australian public will love me for my looks, my guitar and hair style..." Hollywood stated at a press re-lease this morning.
Hollywood has written songs such as "The sexy Sav", " I'm beutiful" and recently has done a cover of "I'm to sexy" which all have been massive hits with his family.
Hollywood also stated that he will be quitting the Sav's at the end of the season to focus more on his musical career and prepare for next years idol contest.
" I feel I have the talent to go all the way in the contest and believe the Australian public will love me for my looks, my guitar and hair style..." Hollywood stated at a press re-lease this morning.
Hollywood has written songs such as "The sexy Sav", " I'm beutiful" and recently has done a cover of "I'm to sexy" which all have been massive hits with his family.
Hollywood also stated that he will be quitting the Sav's at the end of the season to focus more on his musical career and prepare for next years idol contest.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Savs make little children cry
Supporters of the one time playboys and now embattled cricket team The Battered Savs are leaving faster than worms from a burning dogs butt with the latest example occuring just hours after their fifth straight defeat.
Never a team to shirk their public duties, team captain Slack learnt of the disappointment of sick kids in the childrens ward of Five Dock Memorial Hospital when they were told their annual mid year party was to be hosted by Darren Hynch (yet again). One child was quoted as saying "Darren is the best cure available, Id rather fake healthiness than see his stand up routine again". Slack immediately volunteered the team to take Darrens place noting the Savs particular expertise in the field of mime, something theyve been practicing at 9.30 Thursday nights for the last 5 weeks.
Savs spin doctor Sammy B turned up in person to bring the good news to the children offering the Savs as an alternative to Darren Hynch and was greeted with comments like "who", "no, no, not them" and some smaller children started crying. One child said "Darrens beard doesnt really scratch that much and he does a pretty good Seinfeld".
Ruuters
Never a team to shirk their public duties, team captain Slack learnt of the disappointment of sick kids in the childrens ward of Five Dock Memorial Hospital when they were told their annual mid year party was to be hosted by Darren Hynch (yet again). One child was quoted as saying "Darren is the best cure available, Id rather fake healthiness than see his stand up routine again". Slack immediately volunteered the team to take Darrens place noting the Savs particular expertise in the field of mime, something theyve been practicing at 9.30 Thursday nights for the last 5 weeks.
Savs spin doctor Sammy B turned up in person to bring the good news to the children offering the Savs as an alternative to Darren Hynch and was greeted with comments like "who", "no, no, not them" and some smaller children started crying. One child said "Darrens beard doesnt really scratch that much and he does a pretty good Seinfeld".
Ruuters
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Oh So Close
Last night saw the Sav's play their last grading game before the true season starts next week.
Having only 7 players again, the Sav's knew they were up for a challenge against the 3rd Grade team packed with a team that would make the cheat Shoab proud.
New member to the team Cambo, mentioned to the boys prior to the game that these boys were so far up them seleves that is they had a beard they would be tickling their throats....
Knowing the team needed a good performace in this game, the night got off to a good start with Slick winning the toss and electing to have a bat.
Reebs and Macca (Alex) had the first skin and Reebs managed to score 12 runs off the first over without evening hitting the ball. The opposition were starting to get very frustrated with each other and Reebs continued to laugh at them. Things were going well with Macca and reebs compling a solid total of 42 for the first skin.
The second skin was the worst skin of the night, NSW Rep Cambo and under pressure Slick came out and wanted to build on a solid start. Unfortunately things went horribly wrong and they were -17 after the first over. The boys however worked their way back and got to 11 runs, but unfortunately a freak catch on the last ball left them at 6 runs.
The next skin saw Big Kel and new boy to the team Matty come out and try to get the Sav's out of trouble. The boys started off slowly and getting the eye in but with two overs to go all hell was aleashed. The boys smashed everything including 7 sixes (Unfortunately 2 were run outs) and a couple of fours. The boys ended up with 50 runs on the board.
With a player down and the opposition chose Slick to bat again, it was up to Arjuna and the Captain to get the Sav's into a strong position. Unfortunately the first over was a disater with the boys managing to get 1 run off it. Slick was getting frustrated, but a kind word from Reebs behind the net changed his mentality. The next over saw 20 runs scored off it and at the end of the skin the boys left with 34 on the board and a total of 132 to defend.
The sprits were high in the team coming out to the field. Unfortunately the team had to field with 6 players at points in the game as Cambo need to serve behind the bar and the first skin saw 50 runs scored off it. During the course of the skin the two capatins almost got into a biff. The Sav's Captatin was going for the ball and the other capatin (who was batting) ran into him, Slick in his right, pushed the guy out of the way to prevent a major collision. The batter then proceeded to state " If you do that again I'll clock you one!" Slick standing his ground replied " Mate have a go, because I'll clock you back harder then you expect, so shut up!"
The next two skins saw some great catches taken by Reebs, Matty x 2 and run outs by Cambo and Slick. Things looked good with a couple of overs to go.
With 20 runs to hold off in the last pair, unfortunately being the one man down hurt the Sav's again. and the ended up lossing by 20 runs.
" I was proud of the boys tonight. We were so close to winning this tonight against a 3rd grade team and a man down. We are finally starting to turn thigns around. The boys are more upbeat and know a win is only around the corner" Slick stated to the media after the game.
The Sav's have their first 8pm game next week and remours have it that selectors will put their full strength team on the park for the first time this year looking for a win.
Time will tell next week if the Sav's can turn around the season and get off to a winning start.
Having only 7 players again, the Sav's knew they were up for a challenge against the 3rd Grade team packed with a team that would make the cheat Shoab proud.
New member to the team Cambo, mentioned to the boys prior to the game that these boys were so far up them seleves that is they had a beard they would be tickling their throats....
Knowing the team needed a good performace in this game, the night got off to a good start with Slick winning the toss and electing to have a bat.
Reebs and Macca (Alex) had the first skin and Reebs managed to score 12 runs off the first over without evening hitting the ball. The opposition were starting to get very frustrated with each other and Reebs continued to laugh at them. Things were going well with Macca and reebs compling a solid total of 42 for the first skin.
The second skin was the worst skin of the night, NSW Rep Cambo and under pressure Slick came out and wanted to build on a solid start. Unfortunately things went horribly wrong and they were -17 after the first over. The boys however worked their way back and got to 11 runs, but unfortunately a freak catch on the last ball left them at 6 runs.
The next skin saw Big Kel and new boy to the team Matty come out and try to get the Sav's out of trouble. The boys started off slowly and getting the eye in but with two overs to go all hell was aleashed. The boys smashed everything including 7 sixes (Unfortunately 2 were run outs) and a couple of fours. The boys ended up with 50 runs on the board.
With a player down and the opposition chose Slick to bat again, it was up to Arjuna and the Captain to get the Sav's into a strong position. Unfortunately the first over was a disater with the boys managing to get 1 run off it. Slick was getting frustrated, but a kind word from Reebs behind the net changed his mentality. The next over saw 20 runs scored off it and at the end of the skin the boys left with 34 on the board and a total of 132 to defend.
The sprits were high in the team coming out to the field. Unfortunately the team had to field with 6 players at points in the game as Cambo need to serve behind the bar and the first skin saw 50 runs scored off it. During the course of the skin the two capatins almost got into a biff. The Sav's Captatin was going for the ball and the other capatin (who was batting) ran into him, Slick in his right, pushed the guy out of the way to prevent a major collision. The batter then proceeded to state " If you do that again I'll clock you one!" Slick standing his ground replied " Mate have a go, because I'll clock you back harder then you expect, so shut up!"
The next two skins saw some great catches taken by Reebs, Matty x 2 and run outs by Cambo and Slick. Things looked good with a couple of overs to go.
With 20 runs to hold off in the last pair, unfortunately being the one man down hurt the Sav's again. and the ended up lossing by 20 runs.
" I was proud of the boys tonight. We were so close to winning this tonight against a 3rd grade team and a man down. We are finally starting to turn thigns around. The boys are more upbeat and know a win is only around the corner" Slick stated to the media after the game.
The Sav's have their first 8pm game next week and remours have it that selectors will put their full strength team on the park for the first time this year looking for a win.
Time will tell next week if the Sav's can turn around the season and get off to a winning start.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
SAV SO BATTERED - HE NEEDED AN INTERPRETER
By Lion Nathan.Top Battered Sav all rounder "Kel" has been snapped proposing a toast at a recent unofficial event that apparently only hardened drinkers could understand.
So it was no surprise then who offered to step up to the podium to attempt to decipher what the big man was saying. (If you click on the photo you'll get a better idea). Yes, who else but Arjuna! "I'd put a few away myself, but I could see some people in the crowd looking a little confused as to what big Kel was trying to get across. I could clearly understand him, so I thought I'd jump up and help him out" stated Arjuna.
Kel's speech was sadly frequently interrupted by Arjuna constantly digging him in the ribs and saying things like " c'mon Kel, lets do a song!". Kel appeared to try to and ignore the ex-captain, but the onslaught grew...." c'mon ya bastard, sing a song with me!!" Arjuna's persistence finally paid off with Kel conceding " ok, but just one" Arjuna then carefully chose the hugely popular Lionel Ritchie song "All Night Long". The crowd roared with laughter as they sang and danced through the song, with one of the locals (who could barely scratch himself) saying it was a definate "touchdown"! The two also didn't even have to look at the screen for the words as they effortlessly sang even the "hey jumbo, jumbo" bit.
Eyewitnesses throughout the neighbourhood apparently rang the CSIRO as every dog within 2 km of the Club went frantic.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Tucans a candidate for captain?
by Marty Moorstalk
Sports Editorial
Five Dock Daily
There has been a lot of talk about the captaincy of the Savs this year due to their poor on field performances and the contraversy that traditionally surrounds the team off the field. But amidst this talk there has not been a mention of onfield big man Tucan having his hat thrown into the ring and being a contender for the top job. But this may all be about to change.
Traditionally the big guy has let his performance do the talking imposing his dominance by whizzing his balls across the faces of the opposition, wielding his bat or consuming a vat, but his ability to lead and organise has not been witnessed. The weekend just gone has changed all this and may change the face of the Savs for the rest of 06. Following is an excerpt from the big batters invitation to his 30th birthday just past:
Dear Friends,
Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Saturday to celebrate my 30th with me. Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Bowling club.
Tucans 30th Birthday Party at The bowling club
Sat, 14 Oct
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles
Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair
I have arranged the bowling club to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of bowling club Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.
A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the bowling club waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with bowling club cutleries, etc... also on me.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the bowling club entry on the opposite side of the Balmain Road
* When asked "how can I help you Sir/Madame?", you reply "I am here for Tucans Birthday Party at the bowling club"
* You will be escorted to the bowling area next to the bowling club, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.
If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the bowling club, please call my mobile on 555 consume and my PA Ms Gillfinker will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.
STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be well-groomed! ;)
Finally...
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm
I very much look forward to seeing you all at the bowling club this Friday.
ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Sam, Slick, Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa, Kate.
9:15pm: Reebs, Hollywood, Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick, Harry.
9:30pm: Kel, Sneaky, Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana, Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Arjuna, Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi
Tucans
Ends
Once this document was leaked to the public it caused a frenzy of conjecture as to the possibility of Tucans being the next onfield general of the Savs, if that doesnt occur he will make a great PA.
Sports Editorial
Five Dock Daily
There has been a lot of talk about the captaincy of the Savs this year due to their poor on field performances and the contraversy that traditionally surrounds the team off the field. But amidst this talk there has not been a mention of onfield big man Tucan having his hat thrown into the ring and being a contender for the top job. But this may all be about to change.
Traditionally the big guy has let his performance do the talking imposing his dominance by whizzing his balls across the faces of the opposition, wielding his bat or consuming a vat, but his ability to lead and organise has not been witnessed. The weekend just gone has changed all this and may change the face of the Savs for the rest of 06. Following is an excerpt from the big batters invitation to his 30th birthday just past:
Dear Friends,
Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Saturday to celebrate my 30th with me. Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Bowling club.
Tucans 30th Birthday Party at The bowling club
Sat, 14 Oct
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles
Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair
I have arranged the bowling club to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of bowling club Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.
A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the bowling club waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with bowling club cutleries, etc... also on me.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the bowling club entry on the opposite side of the Balmain Road
* When asked "how can I help you Sir/Madame?", you reply "I am here for Tucans Birthday Party at the bowling club"
* You will be escorted to the bowling area next to the bowling club, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.
If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the bowling club, please call my mobile on 555 consume and my PA Ms Gillfinker will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.
STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be well-groomed! ;)
Finally...
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm
I very much look forward to seeing you all at the bowling club this Friday.
ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Sam, Slick, Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa, Kate.
9:15pm: Reebs, Hollywood, Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick, Harry.
9:30pm: Kel, Sneaky, Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana, Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Arjuna, Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi
Tucans
Ends
Once this document was leaked to the public it caused a frenzy of conjecture as to the possibility of Tucans being the next onfield general of the Savs, if that doesnt occur he will make a great PA.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Sav's Plea For Help Arrives
By HG Nelson
Ivan Ivanov, the world famous Greco Roman Wrestling coach has come to the rescue of the embattled Battered Savs Indoor Cricket Team.
The team has just been through rigorous inspections and testing by the great man from Bulgaria, with the coach of champs leaving no stone unturned. He is determined to take this 'battered' ship from the brink to a championship winning, thriving indoor cricket team.
As a man of few words, we managed to get this from him, "First thing we do, we like to have look at 'Flute' to make sure it not unbalancing the man." With years of experience, the big man makes light work of even the most challenging re-arrangements of the meat and two veg. The photo above shows just how hands on he has been with players (shown here with D Banananana man). Eager to learn and change, and move away from being winless after many rounds, the Sav's have really taken to this new form of coaching, Hollywood explains "I'd be running into bowl, and I'd feel this huge weight pulling me down on one side. It was only after Ivan explained and demonstrated did I realise I was cutting the lunch the wrong way. I used to dress right, now I just flat bag."
The Sav's are rumoured to be willing to try "anything" to win. This apparently includes switching from full strength to light beer before and after games.
Hollywood charged by ICCC over his comments
Sydney, NSW (AP) – Savs leg-spinner and "how good am I" Hollywood has been charged with breaking the Indoor Cricket Council's code of conduct after making controversial remarks about former Savs captain Arjuna in the Sydney Morning Herald.
ICCC chief executive Kenny Whiskydrinker said the matter would be dealt with by a tournament referee at a hearing Saturday in Five Dock, the Australian Associated Press reported.
Kenny said he reviewed Hollywood's column, which appeared in Thursday'’s Sydney Morning Herald -- the same day the Sav’s lost to Lion plumbers in the Summer tournament at the FDICC -- and lodged a complaint alleging the eager wanna be full time Savs captain had breached the ICCC code of conduct.
Hollywood faces a possible fine for his attack on Arjuna, writing that Indoor cricket would be better off without the him.
"Frankly, The Sav’s -- and the game overall -- would be better off without him," Hollywood wrote in The Sydney Morning Heralds.
"I don't like him," he added.
Under ICCC rules, Hollywood faces a fine or possible suspension for making a "public pronouncement or media comment which is detrimental to the game in general."
Hollywood also claimed the 34-year-old Savs batsman and former captain had, on occasions, failed to lead his team in the true spirit of the game by threatening not allow some of the team members to play whilst under the influence following pre game meetings at the FDH.
An ICCC statement was expected later Saturday.
ICCC chief executive Kenny Whiskydrinker said the matter would be dealt with by a tournament referee at a hearing Saturday in Five Dock, the Australian Associated Press reported.
Kenny said he reviewed Hollywood's column, which appeared in Thursday'’s Sydney Morning Herald -- the same day the Sav’s lost to Lion plumbers in the Summer tournament at the FDICC -- and lodged a complaint alleging the eager wanna be full time Savs captain had breached the ICCC code of conduct.
Hollywood faces a possible fine for his attack on Arjuna, writing that Indoor cricket would be better off without the him.
"Frankly, The Sav’s -- and the game overall -- would be better off without him," Hollywood wrote in The Sydney Morning Heralds.
"I don't like him," he added.
Under ICCC rules, Hollywood faces a fine or possible suspension for making a "public pronouncement or media comment which is detrimental to the game in general."
Hollywood also claimed the 34-year-old Savs batsman and former captain had, on occasions, failed to lead his team in the true spirit of the game by threatening not allow some of the team members to play whilst under the influence following pre game meetings at the FDH.
An ICCC statement was expected later Saturday.
Capatin Under Pressure
Current Capatin of the Sav's is under increasing pressure to step down as capatin after another loss to the Sav's Last night.
"I'm guttered at the moment" Slick said to the large media crowd that waited for him out side the FDICC last night.
" We should have won that match last night, but our back end Skins in bowling and batting didn't help us. We started off well, but let is get away again"
The Sav's haven't put a consistant team on the field in the last four games and 3 of them have been played with only 7 people.
Slick is rumoured to be thinking about his position in capatain the team, but still feels confident in turning things around.
"Things are slowly improving in the team. To be competative we need to have a more consistant team so we can Gel and play with a full 8"
Speculation has been floating in Cricket circles that outspoken player Hollywood is wanting to take the leadership on when he returns from his Tanning trip to Thailand this week.
Hollywood hasn't played a game this season as his chipped finger nail that was sustained during the rugby season has healed and he is worried about sustaining another injury.
"I'm guttered at the moment" Slick said to the large media crowd that waited for him out side the FDICC last night.
" We should have won that match last night, but our back end Skins in bowling and batting didn't help us. We started off well, but let is get away again"
The Sav's haven't put a consistant team on the field in the last four games and 3 of them have been played with only 7 people.
Slick is rumoured to be thinking about his position in capatain the team, but still feels confident in turning things around.
"Things are slowly improving in the team. To be competative we need to have a more consistant team so we can Gel and play with a full 8"
Speculation has been floating in Cricket circles that outspoken player Hollywood is wanting to take the leadership on when he returns from his Tanning trip to Thailand this week.
Hollywood hasn't played a game this season as his chipped finger nail that was sustained during the rugby season has healed and he is worried about sustaining another injury.
Savs to lose sponsor?
From the Five Dock Daily Herald 13 Oct 06
by Marty Goldsphrinkle
Beleaguered Five Dock National cricket team the Battered Savs could lose their lucrative sponsorship with alcohol manufacturer the Five Dock Coservatorium of beer because of their extremely poor start to the 06 season. This follows from their competitive but unsuccessful campaigns from 1973 to 2005.
To date Savs representatives have been unavailable for comment although three players were reportedly seen hugging and kissing the feet of FDC management in the early hours following their most recent loss. The Savs are already at risk of losing their lucrative endorsement deals over their recent salary cap breaches.
A spokeswoman for the FDC said: "The Savs are our marque sponsored team for whom we produce licensed products and hence any issues around a perceived lack of performance due to our product goes to the heart of the reputation of the FDC brand."
by Marty Goldsphrinkle
Beleaguered Five Dock National cricket team the Battered Savs could lose their lucrative sponsorship with alcohol manufacturer the Five Dock Coservatorium of beer because of their extremely poor start to the 06 season. This follows from their competitive but unsuccessful campaigns from 1973 to 2005.
To date Savs representatives have been unavailable for comment although three players were reportedly seen hugging and kissing the feet of FDC management in the early hours following their most recent loss. The Savs are already at risk of losing their lucrative endorsement deals over their recent salary cap breaches.
A spokeswoman for the FDC said: "The Savs are our marque sponsored team for whom we produce licensed products and hence any issues around a perceived lack of performance due to our product goes to the heart of the reputation of the FDC brand."
Hollywood: no respect for Arjuna
From Ben Durries in Five Dock
October 13, 2006
THE feud between Hollywood and Arjuna deepened last night when Hollywood said he had no respect for the former Battered Savs captain.
In an interview with a Five Dock newspaper this week, Arjuna accused Hollywood of undermining team spirit and claimed he would have been an "embarrassment" if the champion player had been made Battered Savs captain.
Hollywood replied last night by claiming Arjuna was a former player who curried little currency.
"I was disappointed with his comments but I didn't take them to heart because he's not someone I respect," he said.
"If it was someone I respected and really liked, I would be pretty annoyed and would take it up with them.
"If it was a Tucan or a Dabs, who has been the biggest influence on my career, I would be on the phone and disappointed and upset by it."
Arjuna was also critical of Hollywood's reservations about the pre-gam drinking camp organised by team coach Slick, with Arjuna claiming Hollywood had "shown a complete disregard for the position that Slick has held".
Hollywood had to disrupt a season of 8th grade Rugby to return for the camp, but once home he completed the drinking with vigour.
While Slick and Hollywood are two completely different characters, Hollywood said his reported comments last month about Slick had been misconstrued.
"It was never a personal attack on Slick," he said.
"All I said was some of his methods and some of the ways he goes about things I thought lacked a bit of commonsense -- not him as a person.
"It was never with malice or an intent of having a go at the coach.
"What is said in the press beforehand is really irrelevant, unless it's from someone who you respect and is on the mark.
"All we are are worried about is making sure we are ready to play. That's what I am worrying about."
October 13, 2006
THE feud between Hollywood and Arjuna deepened last night when Hollywood said he had no respect for the former Battered Savs captain.
In an interview with a Five Dock newspaper this week, Arjuna accused Hollywood of undermining team spirit and claimed he would have been an "embarrassment" if the champion player had been made Battered Savs captain.
Hollywood replied last night by claiming Arjuna was a former player who curried little currency.
"I was disappointed with his comments but I didn't take them to heart because he's not someone I respect," he said.
"If it was someone I respected and really liked, I would be pretty annoyed and would take it up with them.
"If it was a Tucan or a Dabs, who has been the biggest influence on my career, I would be on the phone and disappointed and upset by it."
Arjuna was also critical of Hollywood's reservations about the pre-gam drinking camp organised by team coach Slick, with Arjuna claiming Hollywood had "shown a complete disregard for the position that Slick has held".
Hollywood had to disrupt a season of 8th grade Rugby to return for the camp, but once home he completed the drinking with vigour.
While Slick and Hollywood are two completely different characters, Hollywood said his reported comments last month about Slick had been misconstrued.
"It was never a personal attack on Slick," he said.
"All I said was some of his methods and some of the ways he goes about things I thought lacked a bit of commonsense -- not him as a person.
"It was never with malice or an intent of having a go at the coach.
"What is said in the press beforehand is really irrelevant, unless it's from someone who you respect and is on the mark.
"All we are are worried about is making sure we are ready to play. That's what I am worrying about."
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Captain in Trouble
Battered Sav's new Capatin has recently been placed under a large amount of pressure from media and players in relation to the teams poor start to the season.
Sources close to the troubled Captain have said he is dealing with the pressure well.
"He has had a lot to deal with in recent weeks" Ricky Ponting said to FOX Sports this afternoon.
The Captain has yet again struggled with putting a full strength side on the park for this weeks fixture as a number of players have had to withdraw from selection.
Slick's manager released a statement this afternoon stating; " Slick is not worried about the critics of the Sav's poor performance, they have come close to winning in the last two games, but being a man down and also playing 1st & 2nd Grade teams has really hurt them."
With the team being a man down again tonight the pressure will yet again be on Slick to get the Sav's first Victory under the belt.
Sources close to the troubled Captain have said he is dealing with the pressure well.
"He has had a lot to deal with in recent weeks" Ricky Ponting said to FOX Sports this afternoon.
The Captain has yet again struggled with putting a full strength side on the park for this weeks fixture as a number of players have had to withdraw from selection.
Slick's manager released a statement this afternoon stating; " Slick is not worried about the critics of the Sav's poor performance, they have come close to winning in the last two games, but being a man down and also playing 1st & 2nd Grade teams has really hurt them."
With the team being a man down again tonight the pressure will yet again be on Slick to get the Sav's first Victory under the belt.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Hollywood would have been an embarrassing captain: Arjuna
October 10, 2006
Former Battered Sav’s cricket great captain Arjuna has launched a scathing attack on Hollywood, accusing the legspinner of undermining team spirit before the summer series.
Arjuna was critical of Hollywood's reservations about the recent pre-season boot camp arranged by Australian new captain Slick.
Hollywood's highly publicised reluctance to take part in the camp came despite him coveting the Batteredsav captaincy.
"I think he's shown a complete disregard for the position that Arjuna has held and his attitude to the camp was very poor for a senior player," Arjuna told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper.
"He'd be living in a fool's world if he thought he should ever be captain of the batteredsavs, because of the way he has behaved.
"He would have been an embarrassment if he had captained the Savs."
Arjuna said if the Sav’s came under pressure in the first few grade games, starting next week, the blame would rest on Hollywood's shoulders, due to him injuring it.
"I think the senior players need to sit him down and say, 'Hollywood, we're a team here; if you've got your thoughts then keep them to yourself because you're not making things any easier.'"
Arjuna also criticised the Sav’s team for being too chummy with their counterparts during last year’s final games.
Again he singled out Hollywood, citing his friendship with the opposing team captains.
"Hollywood's relationship with the opposing teams didn't do the Sav’s any favours," he said.
"I think Hollywood's got to be told, 'Look, by all means have a beer at the FDH with the opponents at the end of the game or in some instances before the game, but once you step out on to the hallowed turf of the FDICC it changes'."
"It's all the off-field stuff that goes with him in terms of sponsorship, texting and media that also brings unnecessary attention to the team."
Former Battered Sav’s cricket great captain Arjuna has launched a scathing attack on Hollywood, accusing the legspinner of undermining team spirit before the summer series.
Arjuna was critical of Hollywood's reservations about the recent pre-season boot camp arranged by Australian new captain Slick.
Hollywood's highly publicised reluctance to take part in the camp came despite him coveting the Batteredsav captaincy.
"I think he's shown a complete disregard for the position that Arjuna has held and his attitude to the camp was very poor for a senior player," Arjuna told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper.
"He'd be living in a fool's world if he thought he should ever be captain of the batteredsavs, because of the way he has behaved.
"He would have been an embarrassment if he had captained the Savs."
Arjuna said if the Sav’s came under pressure in the first few grade games, starting next week, the blame would rest on Hollywood's shoulders, due to him injuring it.
"I think the senior players need to sit him down and say, 'Hollywood, we're a team here; if you've got your thoughts then keep them to yourself because you're not making things any easier.'"
Arjuna also criticised the Sav’s team for being too chummy with their counterparts during last year’s final games.
Again he singled out Hollywood, citing his friendship with the opposing team captains.
"Hollywood's relationship with the opposing teams didn't do the Sav’s any favours," he said.
"I think Hollywood's got to be told, 'Look, by all means have a beer at the FDH with the opponents at the end of the game or in some instances before the game, but once you step out on to the hallowed turf of the FDICC it changes'."
"It's all the off-field stuff that goes with him in terms of sponsorship, texting and media that also brings unnecessary attention to the team."
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Savs to star in ad campaign
Despite yet again being unable to cross the final hurdle in 2005 it seems the glitzy playboy team the Battered Savs are as popular as ever. Berlie, makers of the popular AntzPantz range of knickers have announced the Savs players are to star in a range of commercials mimicking their highly successful campaign of the 80's. If you remember the add featured a trail of ants making their way up the legs of various female models only to be eaten by an echidna named Rex. Well Rex is back, but the attractive models arent. Sources say each Sav player will feature in an add, Slick will be first with Rex, then a new Australian iconic animal will feature with each of the iconic Savs. Apparently some of the animals mentioned include a koala who eats gum leaves tucked into the top of the briefs, a tasmanian tiger who eats a trail of bush rats and a blue ringed octupus who eats a trail of plankton.
Reuters
Reuters
Greats come to the aid of Slick
What do Shane Warne, David Boon, Merv Hughes, Michael Slater and Mark Taylor all have in common? OK apart from being cricketers with a weight or mental issue? They were all seen entering Ding Dong Dang, one of Sydneys karaoke houses, on Tuesday night. In what could be described as a melding of the great minds from the last two decades of cricket the legends initiated a meeting at the house of sing with 2006 Savs captain Slick. By the time Slick arrived the meeting had already been leaked and the captain, already feeling the pressure from an 0 from 3 record in 06, was forced to battle through the media and huge crowd that thronged his limousine on arrival. Despite the unexpected welcome, true to form the embattled captain signed autographs on breasts, butts and beer gutts for a good 1/2 an hour and as a sign of his popularity could have done so for another 4 more hours without running out of eager autograph hunters.
Although the meeting was closed door, sources believe the legends gathered to pass on encouragement and guidance through song to the captain. Further proof of this was gained when shortly after the meeting started a red faced and obviously angry Shane Warne stormed out membling something like "song...I thought we'd bl$&^y well agreed on interpretive dance".
The night threatened to spiral further when Slater (who recently went public with his bi-polar diagnosis) sang Helen Reddies "I am woman hear me roar" but Boon, showing the experience only gained from 23 years of test cricket, promptly and discreetly ended Slaters embarrassing Faux pa by vomiting on Slaters shirt.
In a post meeting interview, Hughes said that despite the rough beginning the night went incredibly well. "It was a smash", said Hughes, "Warney sang Eye of the tiger which goes down well in any company, Boonie sang Land Down Under which as an absolutely freakin classic, and only gets better when sung by a fat ex cricketer wearing underpants only, and we all came together in the end to sing You are the wind beneath my wings, and there was certainly wind in that place let me tell you. We ended with a spot of pilates and I gave an incredibly speech, started with a fart joke of course but ended by letting Slick know that his role as captain, and therefore leader, is not really about playing a good innings. Of course you need to do such things to retain a spot on the team but the captain, and Slick epitomises this perfectly, is someone whos very prescence gives encouragement to the whole team, Slick just has to stand out there to make an impact and he should be aware of that through the entire game. Every comment, every gesture will be watched, scrutinized and judged by his players and if they think Slick is angry at a dropped chance, or disappointed at a missed run out for example, this is going to hang around the necks of every player and in the end be the albotross that sinks the Savs. A game where Slick encourages his players probably equates to a game where 1-2 extra wickets is taken per player. An incredible statistic."
It is rumoured that due to the success of the night, and the anger of Warne, that an interpretive dance evening will be held in the near future.
Although the meeting was closed door, sources believe the legends gathered to pass on encouragement and guidance through song to the captain. Further proof of this was gained when shortly after the meeting started a red faced and obviously angry Shane Warne stormed out membling something like "song...I thought we'd bl$&^y well agreed on interpretive dance".
The night threatened to spiral further when Slater (who recently went public with his bi-polar diagnosis) sang Helen Reddies "I am woman hear me roar" but Boon, showing the experience only gained from 23 years of test cricket, promptly and discreetly ended Slaters embarrassing Faux pa by vomiting on Slaters shirt.
In a post meeting interview, Hughes said that despite the rough beginning the night went incredibly well. "It was a smash", said Hughes, "Warney sang Eye of the tiger which goes down well in any company, Boonie sang Land Down Under which as an absolutely freakin classic, and only gets better when sung by a fat ex cricketer wearing underpants only, and we all came together in the end to sing You are the wind beneath my wings, and there was certainly wind in that place let me tell you. We ended with a spot of pilates and I gave an incredibly speech, started with a fart joke of course but ended by letting Slick know that his role as captain, and therefore leader, is not really about playing a good innings. Of course you need to do such things to retain a spot on the team but the captain, and Slick epitomises this perfectly, is someone whos very prescence gives encouragement to the whole team, Slick just has to stand out there to make an impact and he should be aware of that through the entire game. Every comment, every gesture will be watched, scrutinized and judged by his players and if they think Slick is angry at a dropped chance, or disappointed at a missed run out for example, this is going to hang around the necks of every player and in the end be the albotross that sinks the Savs. A game where Slick encourages his players probably equates to a game where 1-2 extra wickets is taken per player. An incredible statistic."
It is rumoured that due to the success of the night, and the anger of Warne, that an interpretive dance evening will be held in the near future.
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