Arjuna Retires from the Savs

By: Peter Roebuck

Former captain and most improved player for the Battered Sav’s in the 06/07 season has decided to retire from the game following his controversial omission from Thursdays game. His retirement will be effective immediately. Arjuna intends on leaving the game after an illustrious career of 8 years to raise sheep and try his luck in politics.

“The current captain, Slick, has lost his mind in his team selection for this game. In correspondence dated the 24th of October 2006 he stated that team selection was based on the statistical information available.” Arjuna continued the diatribe with “if this was his method of team selection then I should have been included. It is more to do with current captains whites only policy and nothing else!”

Considering the inclusion of Sneaky and Hollywood after prolonged absences Arjuna has questioned Slicks Choices. It appears that Sneaky is just repaying his gratitude to Hollywood for introducing him to the Savs.

Arjuna liked to reminded Slick that ring-ins were brought in on a contractual game by game basis and the likes of the ring-ins for the 06/07 season were only to meet shortages of player for the later games. Giving them permanence has meant penalising long standing players like himself, Dabber and Tempter.

According to sources close to Arjuna, the sentiment is that Slicks “constant beating the drum” to get the team motivated has been nothing but blowing smoke up his own cricket whites, his motivational talks have been nothing but a failure. “Kenny Whiskey Drinker would have done a better job half drunk” Arjuna said.

Arjuna’s parting words to Slick were that he should not forget the whole basis of the battered Sav’s is to catch up with mates, to have a hit a laugh, a win was a bonus not the other way round.!

IN BREAKING NEWS.......
"Arjuna has just signed himself into a celebrity re-hab clinic to assist overcoming the grief of his unexpected removal from his beloved Battered Savs. (His 60 pipes a day of crystal meth is NOT the reason). He plans on teaching his room mate in the clinic, an unknown by the name of Urban the pleasure of eating sheep whole. As he was wheeled away by the men in white Arjuna could be heard screaming "I still love 'em, I still love 'em". His agent later confirmed that Arjuna wished the Battered Savs well for the coming season (and who believes in voodoo anyway?) with or without the motivational speeches by Slick.