HOLLYWOOD Outraged

By Umpire Strikes Back

Hollywood has come out swinging at recent suggestions that he has appointed himself as a selector. This is far from the truth. This single self appointment has only been made by captain and manager Arjuna. Each week when he is off on one of his 'thai business trips' he hands the team to the unsuspecting hollywood. Many have felt that in recent times that Hollywood has been used as a scapegoat to vent players frustration within the camp. Hollywood has been quoted as saying, " I can only do my best with the players I have been given each week. While Arjuna is away I recieve a team list in a small brown paper bag, hand delievered from one of his little business thugs".

World of the news also asked Hollywood how he had managed to still have a 100% win rate from 4 encounters that he has lead the team in the battle. He has credited this to the inspiration of Arjuna, the athleticism of Dabbs and the joy of grouch. Reporter Roger Me also asked hollywood the chances of the hairbear, AKA Macgill, being recalled into the finals squad. "Uh...That's a good question and I'll leave those tough calls to the real skipper and selector", hollywood responded. "All i can tell you is that at the moment 6 places have been sewn up and 2 spots are very much there to be earnt". He believes the stats will very firly support the captain's decisions.

In player movements:

Sneaky has been rumoured to be heading of to the Middle East in the next few weeks and may be unavialable for selection.

Tempter has decided to hang up the gloves and concentrate on the game of basketball.

Reebs has been offered a playing contract for next season with the Newtown Mongrels as they see him as " a tasty piece of qld meat" but reebs has yet to decide on a new contract

Arjuna is almost going to make himself unavailable from the finals if he doesn't start actually playing

Tucan is still cleaning his undies

Dabs is still fending off claims that he has dropped 5kgs in the last week, in an attempt to be down to 55 for next year's melbourne cup

Hairbear is being rested

Hollywood is very busy fighting off player revolts and using him as a scapegoat for there own interests

Kel is still checking Silverwater jails records to ensure that he wasn't a guest there at any point and roomed with 'that prick' of an umpire

Grouch only ever leaves work to play cricket. Apparantely it's been six months since he has seen his kids. (Commitment to the Savs)

Slicks been busy getting some........batting practice in the nets for the up coming final sries under the watchful eye of team physio, Ali

oh and Hairbear is still on the bench in late breaking news