Tucans a candidate for captain?

by Marty Moorstalk
Sports Editorial
Five Dock Daily
There has been a lot of talk about the captaincy of the Savs this year due to their poor on field performances and the contraversy that traditionally surrounds the team off the field. But amidst this talk there has not been a mention of onfield big man Tucan having his hat thrown into the ring and being a contender for the top job. But this may all be about to change.
Traditionally the big guy has let his performance do the talking imposing his dominance by whizzing his balls across the faces of the opposition, wielding his bat or consuming a vat, but his ability to lead and organise has not been witnessed. The weekend just gone has changed all this and may change the face of the Savs for the rest of 06. Following is an excerpt from the big batters invitation to his 30th birthday just past:

Dear Friends,

Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Saturday to celebrate my 30th with me. Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Bowling club.

Tucans 30th Birthday Party at The bowling club
Sat, 14 Oct
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles
Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair

I have arranged the bowling club to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of bowling club Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the bowling club waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with bowling club cutleries, etc... also on me.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:

* When you arrive, take the bowling club entry on the opposite side of the Balmain Road
* When asked "how can I help you Sir/Madame?", you reply "I am here for Tucans Birthday Party at the bowling club"

* You will be escorted to the bowling area next to the bowling club, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the bowling club, please call my mobile on 555 consume and my PA Ms Gillfinker will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

STRICT DRESS CODE:

Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be well-groomed! ;)

Finally...
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm

I very much look forward to seeing you all at the bowling club this Friday.

ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Sam, Slick, Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa, Kate.
9:15pm: Reebs, Hollywood, Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick, Harry.
9:30pm: Kel, Sneaky, Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana, Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Arjuna, Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi

Tucans

Ends

Once this document was leaked to the public it caused a frenzy of conjecture as to the possibility of Tucans being the next onfield general of the Savs, if that doesnt occur he will make a great PA.