Umpire Found Dead

By Dirk Diggler

The body of a man believed to be a cricket umpire for an inner west indoor cricket centre was found early this morning by cleaners outside the complex. It appears the man died as a result of having a massive brain explosion, although witnesses on the scene have found no trace of any brain.
Police identified the body to be that of 6 year old Carny Poodlehead of Broken Hill. Colleagues say he was only 6 but suffered a dreadful virus which made him look 94. Though he still had the thought processes of a 6 year old.
Police also said the man had all the hallmarks of looking as though he had worked in a circus, "he's a bit of a freak alright", said Constable Care, "his head's all out of shape, looks like he's got no ears, and he has miniature hands and feet. The mullet does not do him any favours either. Its either that or he was badly burnt in a fire at some stage".
As to the cause of death, Constable Care said," see it all the time, its caused by a pressure imbalance whereby the vacuous space inside this guys head was just too big a void to stand the pressure. "
Friends have said how each Thursday afternoon he would catch the train from Broken Hill to his indoor cricket centre. "He loved his job, he always wished he'd had more time to study the actual rules of cricket", said a friend.
Due to a complete lack of interest in the man as a person, no funeral will be held. Instead a leading pet food supplier has shown an interest in "value-adding" something special for dogs this Christmas.