What do Shane Warne, David Boon, Merv Hughes, Michael Slater and Mark Taylor all have in common? OK apart from being cricketers with a weight or mental issue? They were all seen entering Ding Dong Dang, one of Sydneys karaoke houses, on Tuesday night. In what could be described as a melding of the great minds from the last two decades of cricket the legends initiated a meeting at the house of sing with 2006 Savs captain Slick. By the time Slick arrived the meeting had already been leaked and the captain, already feeling the pressure from an 0 from 3 record in 06, was forced to battle through the media and huge crowd that thronged his limousine on arrival. Despite the unexpected welcome, true to form the embattled captain signed autographs on breasts, butts and beer gutts for a good 1/2 an hour and as a sign of his popularity could have done so for another 4 more hours without running out of eager autograph hunters.
Although the meeting was closed door, sources believe the legends gathered to pass on encouragement and guidance through song to the captain. Further proof of this was gained when shortly after the meeting started a red faced and obviously angry Shane Warne stormed out membling something like "song...I thought we'd bl$&^y well agreed on interpretive dance".
The night threatened to spiral further when Slater (who recently went public with his bi-polar diagnosis) sang Helen Reddies "I am woman hear me roar" but Boon, showing the experience only gained from 23 years of test cricket, promptly and discreetly ended Slaters embarrassing Faux pa by vomiting on Slaters shirt.
In a post meeting interview, Hughes said that despite the rough beginning the night went incredibly well. "It was a smash", said Hughes, "Warney sang Eye of the tiger which goes down well in any company, Boonie sang Land Down Under which as an absolutely freakin classic, and only gets better when sung by a fat ex cricketer wearing underpants only, and we all came together in the end to sing You are the wind beneath my wings, and there was certainly wind in that place let me tell you. We ended with a spot of pilates and I gave an incredibly speech, started with a fart joke of course but ended by letting Slick know that his role as captain, and therefore leader, is not really about playing a good innings. Of course you need to do such things to retain a spot on the team but the captain, and Slick epitomises this perfectly, is someone whos very prescence gives encouragement to the whole team, Slick just has to stand out there to make an impact and he should be aware of that through the entire game. Every comment, every gesture will be watched, scrutinized and judged by his players and if they think Slick is angry at a dropped chance, or disappointed at a missed run out for example, this is going to hang around the necks of every player and in the end be the albotross that sinks the Savs. A game where Slick encourages his players probably equates to a game where 1-2 extra wickets is taken per player. An incredible statistic."
It is rumoured that due to the success of the night, and the anger of Warne, that an interpretive dance evening will be held in the near future.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Arjuna to seek therapy?
In a worrying turn of events for the Savs, especially so early in the new cricketing season, long-serving past captain and part-time player Arjuna has released a monologue on why he loves the game of cricket which incredibly fills 24 cassette tapes and lasts for 36 straight hours. It was widely reported after the Savs collapse at the end of last season that Arjuna took the losses quite hard and became "uncontactable" for much of the off-season. Sources close to Arjuna said he was moody and enigmatic for long periods of time, barely speaking a word, then he would suddenly jump up and say something like "I am the Walrus". This would last only a short while then he would do something like stick postage stamps on gum tree leaves and try and post them at the local butchers. Sources say friends became most worried when Arjuna took a pile of electrical equipment and locked himself in the bathroom, emerging, to the relief of all, 36 hours later, skin like a prune, and touting the new release. The publics reaction to the monologue is yet to be determined.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Elbow injury ruins Hairbear's dream
PRESS RELEASE
25th September 2006
THE Battered Savs have been rocked by the sudden retirement of Hairbear.
Hairbear, 33, was told this week by medical specialists he could not play indoor cricket again because of a recurring injury to his elbow.
He had only recently signed a new one-year contract for the 2007 season.
News that Hairbear's career is over comes as a cruel blow for the Battered Savs.
Hairbear last night told The Daily Telegraph of his heartbreak at having to quit the game he has played for the past 12 years.
"That's it," he said.
"It could have been a better way to go out. But I still feel part of it.
"I'm still part of the team and go to training and help out when I can.
"I get nervous watching the games but a premiership win will cheer me up."
Hairbear is saying he is out for the season and will not officially retire until after the Battered Savs final match this season.
He has previously had his elbow pinned.
This current injury came during a round 1 match.
"The problem is I have had elbow trouble before," Hairbear said.
"They told me before that the next time it could be permanent.
"I suppose in one way the decision was taken out of my hands. That makes it a bit easier."
Hairbear said the elbow injury had given him excruciating arm pain.
"The first two weeks after the game my arm was aching 24 hours a day," he said.
"At that stage I wasn't worried about indoor cricket. I just wanted to get back to having a normal life.
"At the moment I'm out for the year.
"I will retire hopefully on grand final day.
"I suppose I was the most depressed when I unpacked my bag. It had sat in the garage for a while after the game.
"But when I took it out and my box and gloves I knew it was the end.
"But I'm getting old and have had a good run."
Hairbear had been the regular Battered Sav this season until he sustained the injury.
Battered Savs chief executive Arjuna last night said his club was saddened to lose Hairbear.
" Hairbear is a major loss on the field. He does a lot of dirty work that no one gives him credit for except the players and coaching staff," Arjuna said.
"He averages over 40 wides a game. He also provides inspiration and semi-final experience.
"Hairbear is a tremendous club man who has respect from the players and is a player everyone listens to.
"He will still contribute in a big way for us through the finals."
Hairbear played 121 first grade games, 120 with the Battered Savs, the other with Bruces 8.
He played in two grand finals - in 1998 and 2004.
Hairbear won seven of the nine finals matches he played.
25th September 2006
THE Battered Savs have been rocked by the sudden retirement of Hairbear.
Hairbear, 33, was told this week by medical specialists he could not play indoor cricket again because of a recurring injury to his elbow.
He had only recently signed a new one-year contract for the 2007 season.
News that Hairbear's career is over comes as a cruel blow for the Battered Savs.
Hairbear last night told The Daily Telegraph of his heartbreak at having to quit the game he has played for the past 12 years.
"That's it," he said.
"It could have been a better way to go out. But I still feel part of it.
"I'm still part of the team and go to training and help out when I can.
"I get nervous watching the games but a premiership win will cheer me up."
Hairbear is saying he is out for the season and will not officially retire until after the Battered Savs final match this season.
He has previously had his elbow pinned.
This current injury came during a round 1 match.
"The problem is I have had elbow trouble before," Hairbear said.
"They told me before that the next time it could be permanent.
"I suppose in one way the decision was taken out of my hands. That makes it a bit easier."
Hairbear said the elbow injury had given him excruciating arm pain.
"The first two weeks after the game my arm was aching 24 hours a day," he said.
"At that stage I wasn't worried about indoor cricket. I just wanted to get back to having a normal life.
"At the moment I'm out for the year.
"I will retire hopefully on grand final day.
"I suppose I was the most depressed when I unpacked my bag. It had sat in the garage for a while after the game.
"But when I took it out and my box and gloves I knew it was the end.
"But I'm getting old and have had a good run."
Hairbear had been the regular Battered Sav this season until he sustained the injury.
Battered Savs chief executive Arjuna last night said his club was saddened to lose Hairbear.
" Hairbear is a major loss on the field. He does a lot of dirty work that no one gives him credit for except the players and coaching staff," Arjuna said.
"He averages over 40 wides a game. He also provides inspiration and semi-final experience.
"Hairbear is a tremendous club man who has respect from the players and is a player everyone listens to.
"He will still contribute in a big way for us through the finals."
Hairbear played 121 first grade games, 120 with the Battered Savs, the other with Bruces 8.
He played in two grand finals - in 1998 and 2004.
Hairbear won seven of the nine finals matches he played.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Savs lacked planning
By Peter Roebuck
Savs could be the worst fielding side in indoor cricket at present. They allowed extra runs in the field during their first game of the 06/07 indoor season and when it came to themselves lost a few while running between the wickets. Add up all those and you have the difference between losing and being smashed.
There were those two regulation chances behind the wicket that were dropped off Kel. It was the surest way to invite disaster. Grouch has let go a few in the field in this match and I am not sure if Slick’s presence in the field could have counted. He is one of the best outfield fieldsman and you do not catch over hundred scalps in that position without being special. In last nights game he was chasing fly’s, no magic for the new captain.
Along with Arjuna and Grouch, Tom was one of the three senior-most cricketers who mattered for the Savs last night. These three are of timeless quality, the rocks that have braved the onslaught of faster, fitter and stronger indoor cricketers from one decade to another.
Savs must count themselves lucky, for Tom had set himself up for an innings of 30 or 40 runs. He was in a groove and was bisecting the field with his customary precision.
The Savs captain just did not plan well enough. Savs needed to target and create more Opportunities.
Somehow I remain skeptical about the 7 frontline bowlers theory. Do we have an example in world cricket where eight specialist bowlers have mattered?
Savs looked for thoroughbreds when multidimensional cricketers are the call of indoor cricket. The likes of Tucan and Pocket Rocket and Apu, are able to don different hats in the fluid world of indoor cricket quickly and they were sadly missed.
Remember: single dimensional talents are easy to mark and sometimes a solitary arrow is enough to bring them down to earth. But if you are a chameleon, you can sneak in and move ahead with the furtiveness required in indoor cricket and this is what was lacked in last nights one sided game.
One keeps hearing that this Savs team needs more time to turn round the corner. They would surely not be able to do so if the legs and spirits are as tardy as that of the present lot.
No doubt the captain will look forward to the return of the chameleons. Another loss like last night may result in the new Captain stepping down and Hollywood regaining his long held desire to lead this famous team to a finals victory and to hold the trophy that Arjuna and Brucie so desired.
Savs could be the worst fielding side in indoor cricket at present. They allowed extra runs in the field during their first game of the 06/07 indoor season and when it came to themselves lost a few while running between the wickets. Add up all those and you have the difference between losing and being smashed.
There were those two regulation chances behind the wicket that were dropped off Kel. It was the surest way to invite disaster. Grouch has let go a few in the field in this match and I am not sure if Slick’s presence in the field could have counted. He is one of the best outfield fieldsman and you do not catch over hundred scalps in that position without being special. In last nights game he was chasing fly’s, no magic for the new captain.
Along with Arjuna and Grouch, Tom was one of the three senior-most cricketers who mattered for the Savs last night. These three are of timeless quality, the rocks that have braved the onslaught of faster, fitter and stronger indoor cricketers from one decade to another.
Savs must count themselves lucky, for Tom had set himself up for an innings of 30 or 40 runs. He was in a groove and was bisecting the field with his customary precision.
The Savs captain just did not plan well enough. Savs needed to target and create more Opportunities.
Somehow I remain skeptical about the 7 frontline bowlers theory. Do we have an example in world cricket where eight specialist bowlers have mattered?
Savs looked for thoroughbreds when multidimensional cricketers are the call of indoor cricket. The likes of Tucan and Pocket Rocket and Apu, are able to don different hats in the fluid world of indoor cricket quickly and they were sadly missed.
Remember: single dimensional talents are easy to mark and sometimes a solitary arrow is enough to bring them down to earth. But if you are a chameleon, you can sneak in and move ahead with the furtiveness required in indoor cricket and this is what was lacked in last nights one sided game.
One keeps hearing that this Savs team needs more time to turn round the corner. They would surely not be able to do so if the legs and spirits are as tardy as that of the present lot.
No doubt the captain will look forward to the return of the chameleons. Another loss like last night may result in the new Captain stepping down and Hollywood regaining his long held desire to lead this famous team to a finals victory and to hold the trophy that Arjuna and Brucie so desired.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
2006-7 Series
By Tony Greig
On the eve of the 2006-7 KB Indoor world series we cast a net over the battered savs as they attempt once again to take the elusive crown at the world famous FDICC. In a run of consectuive losers, the savs were bungled out in extradinory circumstances under the much criticised McIntrye finals series. But once again the savs have put on a brave face and have bolstered there ranks to hold the cup aloft at the end of the season.
Early on in the series some key players are rumored to be missing due to injury, laziness and international holidays. Can the new breed of savs hold the fort as these players ease into the saeason. Lets have a look at the squad one by one in the lead up to the big series. It has been rumored that Kenny from the FDICC has had to turn away any ticket holders to the opening game who purchased there ticket through illegal ebay sources.
Arjuna: Has stepped down as captain over the off season citing the need to focus on his batting and take the pressure of himself. Rumored to have been doing the atkins diet over the break to be at his peak for the series.
Reebs: Continues to spend lots of time in the nets and consuming way to much alcohol. Some smirky jokes have also been leveled his way in relation to 'his little scooter'
Sneaky: Spent most of last season teaching africans to gamble. Misses the first few weeks as he is in thailand. He is rumored to be having 'special' massages to loosen himself up for the up coming season
Tucan: The official 'marquee' player for the Savs according to the FDICC salary cap. He has spent much time in the off season preparing to climb the heights of last season and has this year managed to secure the Five Dock hotel as his own personal sponsor.
Kel: Rumours has been persisiting that he might be heading to a rival club after a dummy spit at the One day international at the SCG over the summer but has remained as his transfer fee was to much and stays are true sav at heart.
Hairbear: Well after coming out of retirement last season and setting an official world record for the amount of wides in a single over, hairbear bounced back and stunned the cricketing world taking the price scalps of many marquee players from other squads. Tipped to be a dark horse this year.
Hollywood: Has stated that he will be out for the first month due to recurring injuries from the rugby field. Others in the squad have questioned his commitment and his 'manliness' but he too will be joining sneaky in a scheduled special trip to thailand. Look for him to again top the run chart in 2006-7
Dabs: Spent the off season as a price signing for county side Durham and lead the side to its innaguaral 20-20 trophy. Dabs is hoping to bring some of the knowledge on how to actually win a competition and has also been asked to lecture on the same topic at the Parramatta Eels. Still Dabbing away though. No foot work to speak off.
Slick: The new fearless captain of the savs has had problems putting together the first team of the competition. There have been rumblings that it may be a player backlash at the selection table after leaving out Dabs, Hollywood, Tucan and Apu in the opening game of the season. He has been quoted as telling the boys "keep on your toes or ill be getting up you" , reebs was quite excited at this prospect, that is of lifting the intensity amongst the savs.
Apu: Busy recruiting potential savs in Sri Lanka over the off season but managed to come home with 3 franshise licenses for 7 eleven.
Anyway lets see what the 2006-7 season will bring....without any doubt...plenty of laughs and beers.
On the eve of the 2006-7 KB Indoor world series we cast a net over the battered savs as they attempt once again to take the elusive crown at the world famous FDICC. In a run of consectuive losers, the savs were bungled out in extradinory circumstances under the much criticised McIntrye finals series. But once again the savs have put on a brave face and have bolstered there ranks to hold the cup aloft at the end of the season.
Early on in the series some key players are rumored to be missing due to injury, laziness and international holidays. Can the new breed of savs hold the fort as these players ease into the saeason. Lets have a look at the squad one by one in the lead up to the big series. It has been rumored that Kenny from the FDICC has had to turn away any ticket holders to the opening game who purchased there ticket through illegal ebay sources.
Arjuna: Has stepped down as captain over the off season citing the need to focus on his batting and take the pressure of himself. Rumored to have been doing the atkins diet over the break to be at his peak for the series.
Reebs: Continues to spend lots of time in the nets and consuming way to much alcohol. Some smirky jokes have also been leveled his way in relation to 'his little scooter'
Sneaky: Spent most of last season teaching africans to gamble. Misses the first few weeks as he is in thailand. He is rumored to be having 'special' massages to loosen himself up for the up coming season
Tucan: The official 'marquee' player for the Savs according to the FDICC salary cap. He has spent much time in the off season preparing to climb the heights of last season and has this year managed to secure the Five Dock hotel as his own personal sponsor.
Kel: Rumours has been persisiting that he might be heading to a rival club after a dummy spit at the One day international at the SCG over the summer but has remained as his transfer fee was to much and stays are true sav at heart.
Hairbear: Well after coming out of retirement last season and setting an official world record for the amount of wides in a single over, hairbear bounced back and stunned the cricketing world taking the price scalps of many marquee players from other squads. Tipped to be a dark horse this year.
Hollywood: Has stated that he will be out for the first month due to recurring injuries from the rugby field. Others in the squad have questioned his commitment and his 'manliness' but he too will be joining sneaky in a scheduled special trip to thailand. Look for him to again top the run chart in 2006-7
Dabs: Spent the off season as a price signing for county side Durham and lead the side to its innaguaral 20-20 trophy. Dabs is hoping to bring some of the knowledge on how to actually win a competition and has also been asked to lecture on the same topic at the Parramatta Eels. Still Dabbing away though. No foot work to speak off.
Slick: The new fearless captain of the savs has had problems putting together the first team of the competition. There have been rumblings that it may be a player backlash at the selection table after leaving out Dabs, Hollywood, Tucan and Apu in the opening game of the season. He has been quoted as telling the boys "keep on your toes or ill be getting up you" , reebs was quite excited at this prospect, that is of lifting the intensity amongst the savs.
Apu: Busy recruiting potential savs in Sri Lanka over the off season but managed to come home with 3 franshise licenses for 7 eleven.
Anyway lets see what the 2006-7 season will bring....without any doubt...plenty of laughs and beers.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Friday, December 23, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
Sneaky calls for Calm
TanzaniaBattered Sav poster boy, Sneaky Pete has had to call for calm after a group of locals lost the equivalent of up to 7 years wages. Sneaky showed the locals the art of Texas Hold Em, and told them that there would be "no way that the could lose there money". Sadly he was terribly mistaken.
One young man has had to cancel his only daughters wedding after he decided to double up the money that had been set aside for the big day. Word spread around the village that 6 men have lost up to $4 AUD (eq. 7 years eages) throughout a torrid day where the dealer bent them over the proverbial table. A village meeting was called (as pictured) where locals were allowed to express there disappointment to the master himself. Sneaky was forced to call for calm on a number of occasions when locals threatened to "chop of his black jacks", he then pointed out that he was indeed a fellow man but of different colorisation. This did not go down to well with the locals as Sneaky was forced to flee by horseback to the neighboring country of Kenya.
All in all, Pete has been quoted as saying that it has been one heck of a successful trip and that he had to sign the "bringing back over $10,000 AUD into the country" box on the incoming immigration card as Customs.
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