Hollywoods message to the Savs - Your going to lose without me

Jock McSporren
FD Herald

One time Savs Captain and High-5 member Hollywood has taken time out of his busy schedule as Australian cricket ambassador to the United Nations to wish his old team well in their grand final showdown at the Five Dock International Cricketing Arena (or the Cess Pit as its affectionately known by spectators), on Thursday night.

Hollywood, speaking via satellite from Christmas Island which he recently purchased for a flagon said he hopes for the best in the decider but knows there is no chance without him.

"It was no secret that I was carrying the team, and whatever momentum they have gathered is merely a hangover from my prescense", Hollywood said from amidst the bubbles as he splashed in his spa bath.

"Not that they havent developed well over the year, but thats only from what I taught them. If I was around for another ten years then maybe they would become true grand final contenders, but that was not to be. Like all father figures it was time for me to move on and allow the child to blossom. Its just to bad that the only thing they will blossom into is alcoholics", said Hollywood as he was passed another coconut Shirley Temple by his "boy".

The moving tribute came as the Savs were feeling the demands of three brilliant yet punishing semi-final appearances.

One half of the big batter brothers, Occy revealed today that he had tore every ligament and muscle in his left leg in last nights impressive win over season favourites the Orange Peelers, the other half of the brothers, Tucan had carpet burn to 80% of his body. Kel has played the last two semis with a broken ankle which he actually received from Macca (apparently Kel missed his a shout at the FHC of Beer), while Macca himself was suffering from a mysterious illness that manifested itself as a nasty rash around the eyes and groin.

The news isnt all grim in the Savs camp as the Ananananannan brothers and also Captain Slick are in top form with both bat and ball. The only worry being the possibility of both Anananananan's community service time coinciding with the grand final clash and Slicks lucky bat has broken, apparently unable to stand up to actually hitting a ball.

In related news half of the teams from this seasons competition (including last nights losers the Orange Peelers) have withdrawn from next seasons competition following the revelation that for the first time ever the Savs will contest back-to-back titles.

"It certainly is bad news for me" said Cambo in an interview after last nights semi final. "Less teams means less money skimmed from the til, and Ive got an overseas trip to pay for".

Savs have also named their new captain for next season, handy all-rounder and numbers man Reebs. "Its a big and colourful set of shorts to fill", said Slick of the new captain.